My Personal Witness by Velma Pavlasek
This is my personal witness. It is my hope that this witness will resonate with you and give you pause to consider what our Lord Christ expects of us with regard to the anti-LGBTQ+ language in our Book of Discipline.
A year ago, I would have been on the side of those who believe that practicing homosexuals cannot be clergy and that marriage is between a man and woman. Those were the beliefs that I was taught in my church. But, in June of last year, at the age of 68, I gave my entire self to God.
Even though I had been active in my church for 45 years, I did not entirely trust that God would not make me do something that I didn't want to do. I wanted to control my life. But, I asked myself, “When will I allow God to use me as He wishes?” “If not now, when?”
Within days, God strongly directed me to contact a liberal progressive church in my neighborhood. I believed that I would be responsible for God's judgment on them if I didn't warn them about the “sins” they were promoting (e.g. abortion, gay pride). As expected, my arguments didn't move them. But then God strongly directed me to “keep talking.” And so began my pen pal relationship with Pastor Carol at St Andrew Presbyterian Church (Austin).
In the beginning, my conversations with Pastor Carol were very critical of their beliefs. I look back on those emails now, and I am embarrassed and ashamed. I was so judgmental, arrogant, and self-righteous. I am sure that I hurt her feelings. But I didn't realize it until our first meeting in person when I saw the hurt in her eyes. And I felt so bad at what I had said, that I not only immediately apologized, but repented.
Jesus said “The [appointed period of] time is fulfilled,
and the kingdom of God is at hand;
repent [change your inner self—your old way of thinking,
regret past sins, live your life in a way that proves repentance;
seek God’s purpose for your life]...”
– Mark 1:15a (Amplified Bible)
I thought that if I learned more about Pastor Carol's beliefs that it would help me stop saying things that would hurt her. But the spiritual reality is that you cannot stop saying hurtful things if you still believe them and think them.
Jesus said “But whatever [word] comes out of the mouth comes from the heart,
and this is what defiles and dishonors the man.”
– Matthew 15:18 (AMP)
So, I chose to read “Transgender History” by Susan Stryker to learn more about LGBTQ+ issues. And in discussing this book with Pastor Carol, we educated each other on the concerns that our respective communities have about how to integrate transgender people into society.
Through these dialogs, I became convinced from scientific studies on gender and sexuality that LGBTQ+ people are born the way they are. They are not sinners. They did not “choose a lifestyle”. They are as God made them. And if God loves diversity (in that He made us all with different looks and abilities in different environments throughout the world), it should be no surprise to us if He makes some people different in their gender and sexual preferences. Because we know that everything that God creates is good and that He loves His creation.
But how can I reconcile what I now believe about LGBTQ+ people with what the Bible says? That is the real question that is fueling this divisive spirit within our denomination. It is the question that each of us has to decide on and eventually answer to God about.
I had to be honest with myself. I love the Bible. But the reality is that I do not believe that everything in the Bible should be read literally, and I do not believe that everything in the Bible is applicable today. As a disciple of Christ, my responsibility is to obey what my Lord Christ commands me to do, even if it contradicts other parts of the Bible. And what does my Lord Christ command me to do? It is the following:
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
and with all your soul, and with all your mind”
and “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”
– Matthew 22:37-39 (AMP)
These concepts may seem easy to understand, but are really difficult to put into practice. It is why the Holy Spirit's direction is so important in my life. It was He who told me to contact St. Andrew. Without them, I would not have known what it really means to keep these commandments. I would not have known what a tiny, shriveled little heart I had for God and for others. I would not have been nurtured and loved in a way that I still find amazing. That people with totally different political and religious beliefs from mine could express God's love in such a natural and sincere way. It has made me many times want to be like them, to learn from them how to live the life of a true disciple of Christ.
This is a church that is so different from mine. They have transgender people. They have same-sex couples. They have a gay pastor. Yet their love for God and neighbor is so much more than what my church expresses. Unlike my church, they put their faith into action. They are moved to work to alleviate suffering through ministries of social justice. And those ministries attract me. Without St. Andrew and my participation in their ministries, I would not be spiritually complete. I realize that now. Yet, I still love my church. The way that my church worships God is more fulfilling to me than the meditative style that is used in St. Andrew's worship services. So, God has blessed me. He has given me two churches to love.
Velma Pavlasek and Carol Johnson meet for second time since becoming pen pals.
(Spectrum News 1/Jamil Donith)
Recently, I read that over 7% of the adults in the United States are LGBTQ+. That is about one in fourteen adults. This past month (April), St Andrew added 10 new members. Every month, I hear that they are adding members. And why? Because they are inclusive. Because people in the LGBTQ+ community feel welcomed and loved by that church. Because they are not made to feel as if they are second class Christians.
And this has made me ask myself the following questions:
Who am I to say that God has not called a practicing homosexual to the ministry?
Who am I to say that a loving and committed relationship between two gays does not please God more than a failing marriage where a husband and wife do not treat each other with love, care, and respect?
I believe that the anti-LGBTQ+ language in our churches and in our denomination drowns out the message that Jesus Christ died on the cross to redeem us. I believe that if we make the Bible more important than loving people, then people will be turned away from God and that is truly a great sin.
Jesus said, “whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble and sin [by leading him away from My teaching], it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone [as large as one turned by a donkey] hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” – Matthew 18:6 (AMP)
To whoever reads this testimony of mine: I do not know what your relationship is with God.
I do not know what His plans are for my church, for your church, for the Universal Church.
I do not know. I do not know. I do not know. All I know is that God loves us all. And the anti-LGBTQ+ language in our Book of Discipline does not express His love for all of us.
So, I am asking you to sign the Resolution to remove all anti-LGBTQ+ language from our Book of Discipline. I am asking you to be a faithful disciple of Jesus, our Lord Christ.
And no matter what you decide, this soul blesses you. I ask that He guide you in this matter, that you “stay in love with God” and that you have God's peace in your heart.
Velma Pavlasek
Emmanuel UMC (Austin)
